The most difficult times for many of us, are the ones we give ourselves
– Pema Chodron.
Never a truer word said!
It’s sad but true that your biggest critic and toughest judge is often YOURSELF! (Please don’t give yourself a hard time about that – ha!). We live in a world that often pushes us to do more, be more, and achieve more. It’s easy to forget the importance of treating ourselves with kindness. But what if I told you that being gentler with yourself could actually make your life a whole lot better? Let’s dive into why self-kindness is a game-changer and how mindfulness can be your helpful companion along the way.
The Power of Being Kinder to Yourself
Imagine a good mate who’s having a bad day. Maybe they made a massive mistake at work, said something they shouldn’t have, forgot to pay their credit card bill, put on 5kgs in a week, or are just all-round feeling low. How do you respond? Tell them they aren’t good enough, should try harder and need to suck it up? Probably (hopefully!) not! More likely, you empathise, encourage, tell them they’re amazing, and give them half of your donut/beer and a big hug, right? You be a good friend.
Now, flip that scenario. When you’re having a tough time, do you treat yourself with the same compassion? Nope. If you’re like most people, you criticise yourself for being so pathetic/useless/(fill in the gap), hold yourself to an impossible standard and forget that you, too, would appreciate a hug (and half a donut/beer).
When we practice self-kindness and compassion, we’re a good friend to ourself. The result of this is we’re less likely to dwell on our mistakes or get stuck in negative thought patterns. We become more resilient, and can bounce back from setbacks. It’s also been proven to reduces stress, boost our mood, and improve our relationships with others. By treating ourselves with the same care we’d offer to a friend, we create an inner environment that supports growth, healing, and overall well-being. It’s like giving yourself a warm hug from the inside out.
Mindfulness: Your Tool for Self-Compassion
Okay, sounds good – but how? Here’s where mindfulness steps in. You’ve probably heard the term before, but what does it really mean? At its core, mindfulness is about being fully present in the moment, with an open, curious and accepting attitude toward whatever is happening. It pulls us out of the spiral of overthinking and overreacting back into the present moment with a gentle awareness of what’s going on right now—without judging it.
When you start practicing mindfulness, you become more aware of your inner dialogue. Instead of automatically reacting to negative thoughts with self-criticism, mindfulness encourages you to simply notice these thoughts without getting caught up in them. This awareness is a powerful first step towards being kinder to yourself. It allows you to see your thoughts for what they are—just thoughts—not absolute truths.
Research shows that to be kinder to ourselves, we need to turn toward, acknowledge, and accept our suffering. Mindfulness is key to this process. As mindfulness grows, so does our capacity for self-compassion—and our compassion for others.
With regular mindfulness practice, you start to approach difficulties in life differently. Your emotions become less overwhelming because you’re no longer avoiding or suppressing them. Instead, you’re learning to sit with them, to acknowledge them as part of your experience without adding layers of self-judgment. Over time, this helps you stop being so hard on yourself. You begin to accept your experiences as a natural part of being human.
Rather than constantly trying to fix things or feeling upset when you don’t meet your own expectations, mindfulness teaches you how to “let go”. This shift in perspective opens the door to greater self-compassion. As you practice, this compassionate approach towards yourself becomes second nature, allowing you to navigate life’s ups and downs with more kindness and understanding.
How Mindfulness Helps with Self-Compassion:
- Be With Difficult Emotions: Mindfulness allows you to sit with your difficult emotions, thoughts, and sensations rather than pushing them away or judging them. By embracing these parts of yourself, you’re giving them the care and attention they need. This practice helps you develop a deeper sense of compassion for yourself, recognizing that every part of you deserves to be acknowledged and understood.
- Recognise Negative Patterns: Mindfulness helps you become aware of unkind thoughts and patterns. When you notice them, you can gently let them go, reminding yourself that you’re worthy of kindness, just like anyone else.
- Create Space for Self-Compassion: By practicing mindfulness, you create a pause between a trigger (like a mistake or a setback) and your reaction. This space allows you to respond with compassion rather than criticism.
- Shift Your Perspective: Mindfulness encourages you to view your experiences with a fresh perspective. Instead of seeing failures as personal flaws, you begin to see them as part of the human experience, which is full of ups and downs.
- Reduce Stress and Anxiety: Regular mindfulness practice can help lower stress and anxiety levels. When you’re less stressed, you’re naturally more inclined to treat yourself kindly.
Getting Started with Mindfulness
So, how can you introduce mindfulness into your life? Here are a few simple steps to get you started:
- Start Small: Try a few minutes of mindfulness each day. Sit quietly, focus on your breath, and patiently and gently bring your mind back whenever it wanders.
- Integrate It Into Daily Life: Mindfulness doesn’t have to be a separate activity. You can practice being present while eating, walking, and even during routine tasks.
- Be Kind to Yourself: Remember, there’s no “perfect” way to practice mindfulness. Be patient with yourself as you learn.
- Respond Mindfully to Challenging Situations – When you’re facing a difficult moment, take a pause to acknowledge that you’re in pain. Instead of trying to push it away, allow yourself to fully experience what’s happening. Shift your focus from your thoughts to your physical sensations, noticing how your body feels. Then, offer yourself some kindness—whether that’s through gentle words, a comforting touch, or imagining how a supportive friend would respond to you in this moment. This mindful approach helps you stay grounded and compassionate towards yourself during tough times.
- Use Guided Practices: There are plenty of apps and resources that offer guided mindfulness practices. They can be a great way to get started and stay on track.
- Explore MBSR: Sometimes, the best way to learn something new—especially when it comes to taking care of your mind—is by having guidance from an experienced teacher. That’s where Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) comes in. MBSR is a well-established programme that combines mindfulness and meditation practices to help manage stress and enhance overall well-being. With the support of a skilled teacher, you’ll explore various techniques that not only help you navigate life’s challenges but also nurture self-compassion. Research shows that MBSR can significantly boost self-compassion and reduce negative self-talk, making it an excellent choice if you’re looking for a structured approach to bringing more mindfulness and kindness into your life.
Conclusion
Self-compassion and mindfulness are like little gifts you give yourself, especially during tough times. They help you treat yourself with the same kindness and care you’d offer a friend. It makes for a more enjoyable and calm life. But it isn’t just about making things feel better in the moment—it’s about building a foundation of resilience and well-being that can carry you through life’s ups and downs. Every small step you take towards being kinder to yourself and more mindful is a step towards a happier, more balanced life. So, remember to be gentle with yourself – self-hugs, donuts and beers to the ready!